# You pay 6 bucks for cigarettes that match your outfit.
# You wear sunglasses in the produce department at night.
# You wear long, velvet coats in the middle of summer.
# You buy $15 fishnets and rip them on purpose.
# Your combat boots cost more than it takes to feed a third world child for two years.
# The shade of powder you wear is called "Sheet Of Paper."
# You use black cotton balls.
# You fashion your eyeliner after a culture that's been dead over 2000 years.
# You paint your fingernails black.
# You don't paint my nails black... you bash them with a hammer.
# Your purse is large, square and metal.
# The purse has scratches from being used in a fight.
# It has scratches from being kicked on the dance floor.
# This is the reason it was scratched in a fight.
# You could easily blow $500 in a Halloween store.
# You could spend all $500 on just make up.
# You avoid fights because it might smudge your make up.
# The club you frequent has concocted an original drink called "The Vampire's Kiss."
# You wake up still drunk at 3 in the afternoon with anonymous black lipstick on our face.
# You go to Denny's at 5 in the morning and think, "These are my people."
# People can't tell whether you're searching for a missing contact or dancing.
# You can't even tell whether you're looking for a missing contact or dancing.
# The only day you feel normal is Halloween.
# Friday the Thirteenth is your lucky day.
# You don't know whether the person you're sleeping with is male or female until you're actually in bed with them.
# You don't care.
# You were rooting for the vampires in From Dusk Til Dawn, Lost Boys, etc.
# In preschool, the only crayon you used was black.
# The Count was your favorite Sesame Street character as a child.
# You watch Sesame Street as an adult just to see The Count.
# You can't decide whether Morticia Addams or Lily Munster is prettier.
# You decide Wednesday blows them both away.
# You think bats are "cute."
# You think dead flowers are prettier than live ones.
# You think anything dead is pretty.
# You think blood is pretty.
# You refer to your age in mortal years.
# You give yourself the honorary title of Lord or Lady.
# You know what a Malkavian is.
# You know what a Malkavian is because you've been there, done that.
# You have the T-shirt.
# You dressed as The Crow for Halloween one year.
# You have dressed as The Crow for Halloween the past few years.
# You would willingly undergo cosmetic dental surgery.
# You were disappointed to find out that American Gothic is a portrait of two farmers.
# You claim the Chupacabra is a friend/relative of yours.
# You own a hearse.
# You own a hearse and don't work in a funeral parlor.
# You keep a coffin in the back as "decoration."
# You keep a coffin in the back as a bed.
# You think of the hearse as the "family car."
# You think heresy is a religion.
# You claim heresy as your religion.
# You own a rosary that you wear.
# You own many rosaries that you wear.
# You own a glow-in-the-dark rosary that alternates between your neck and the rearview mirror in your car.
# Christians accost you with pamphlets on the street frequently.
# Jehovah's Witnesses accost you with pamphlets on the street frequently.
# You accost Christians with pamphlets on the street.
# Satanists just look at you and smile.
# You laugh hysterically during those Church Of Latter-Day Saints commercials.
# You call for the free Bible anyway.
# You take great pleasure in vandalizing said Bible after waiting impatiently by your mailbox for 4-6 weeks.
# You stop vandalizing the Bible momentarily to look up Psalm 69.
# In your honest opinion, the image of Jesus ruins the beauty and natural fluidity of the cross.
# Whenever you knock on somebody's door they give you candy.
# You wish to name your first born Lestat.
# You plan to name your first born after any Anne Rice character.
# You didn't know they were characters.
# You argue on whether Poppy Z. Brite or Anne Rice has the more realistic view on vampires.
# You can debate both sides of that argument.
# You've participated in one of those "Do you think Tom Cruise was good as Lestat?" conversations.
# You've started one of those conversations.
# You saw Valor on the street, you would throw your large, metal purse at him.
# You and your friends enjoy congregating in a local graveyard.
# No one you know is buried there.
# You and your friends take lengthy drives to visit non-local graveyards.
# You take pictures of the gravestones while reciting Oscar Wylde or singing "Cemetry Gates" by The Smiths.
# You know the words to "Cemetry Gates" by The Smiths.
# You know who The Smiths are.
# You can reminisce through all 4 locations of The Kitchen Club and 2 of The Church.
# You put on The Wake and practice dancing in front of the mirror.
# You practice with your own personal strobe and blacklight.
# You are too poor to afford either and stole the lights off the Christmas tree.
# You are happy when no one has ever heard of your favorite band.
# When someone else "discovers" you're favorite band, you find another favorite band.
# You own 16 or more Cleopatra CD's.
# You own even 1 Projekt CD.
# Your favorite poem is "The Raven" by Edgar Allen Poe.
# Your favorite poem is "Metamorphosis of a Vampire" by Charles Baudelaire.
# You spell Vampire either Vampyre or Vamphyre.
# You refer to others as "The Normals".
# You refer to your leather-clad brethren as "Those Industrialites" or "Rivet-heads."
# You go to South Beach, but have never seen the ocean.
# Your boyfriend complains that his ribs just don't stick out the way they used to.
# Your girlfriend complains that you look better in her black, velvet skirt than she does.
# You've been with your significant other for over a year and still wonder what they look like without make up.
# You and your boyfriend fight over make up.
# You decide to get matching his/hers make up caddies to separate your make up.
# You smudge your lipstick on purpose to look like Robert Smith.
# You eat those limited edition pop-tarts just because they have bats on them.
# You save them because Hey!...they're limited edition.
# The people in the grocery store have refused to sell you any cereal other than Count Chocula.
# People ask you to autograph boxes of Count Chocula.
# You know what Renfield's Disease is.
# You have Renfield's Disease.
# Throw a Black Valentine Day party.
# You decorate your Christmas Tree with crows and black ribbon.
# You wear a mourning veil to your best friends wedding.
# All her bride maids wear black.
# All your living friends take anti-depressants or at least pretend too.
# You have taken anything on this list personally.